Hello everyone! I’d like to share something that has profoundly influenced my life. It’s a realization that I think I always knew, but it took hearing someone articulate it for me to truly absorb the message. I hope it resonates with you as well.
As the anniversary of my mom’s passing approaches, I’ve been reflecting a lot on grief. For those who don’t know, I lost my mom to cancer three years ago on October 4, 2021, and it feels like it just happened yesterday. I’ve also lost other loved ones around the same time, so grief has been a constant presence in my life.
Yet, despite all this, I don’t feel broken. I’m grateful for my supportive husband and father, and I never take them for granted. One crucial lesson I’ve learned is that grief can be one of life’s greatest teachers. I’ve done quite a bit of soul-searching, and I’d like to share the most significant lesson I’ve taken from this experience.
Don’t worry; it’s not a sorrowful lesson. I hope it resonates with you as well.
Here’s the lesson:
Do not wait for every aspect of your life to align perfectly before allowing yourself to feel happiness. You must seek joy in the present moment, even if certain parts of your life feel unsettled.
If you don’t, you may find yourself at 50, 60, or even 70 years old wondering where your life has gone and why you never pursued your passions. This is a lesson I intend to carry with me for the rest of my life.
Let me clarify: if you’re struggling in any part of your life, don’t postpone your happiness until that issue is resolved. It’s essential to discover joy in your current situation, in the small moments that may seem insignificant.
If you don’t, it can feel like a game of whack-a-mole, where a new problem surfaces just as you’re about to allow yourself to be happy. Waiting for everything to fall into place before you chase your happiness could lead to a wasted life.
For instance, if your home life is stable but you’re facing challenges at work, don’t wait until your work issues are resolved to begin living the life you desire. As soon as you navigate one problem, another will likely arise—that’s just how life works. Nothing is perfectly harmonious.
We might hope that circumstances will improve, yet the truth is that challenges will always arise in one form or another. That’s simply part of life.
It’s easy to spiral into a negative mindset where you feel stuck and unhappy. When we focus solely on our problems, they can become all-consuming. We might think we will only be happy once certain conditions are met—like overcoming grief, completing medical school, when our kids are older, obtaining a promotion, or improving our health.
We can fall into the trap of linking our worth to external factors—such as finances, family, or career—which skews our sense of self.
The truth is, regardless of the challenges you face—whether it’s grief, health issues, parenting struggles, or career obstacles—you deserve to pursue what you want right now.
We must learn to find happiness amidst the struggles because those struggles will always exist in some form. Embrace joy, no matter where you are in life.
It’s important to remember that “joy,” “happiness,” and “living life” can look different for everyone. They don’t need to be grand gestures requiring substantial money, time, or effort. You know what matters to you and what you may be delaying.
Sometimes, simple acts such as taking 20 minutes to journal, going for a walk, or baking cookies can infuse your day with joy. Prioritize those moments—do something for yourself that brings you joy, something to look forward to, and truly LIVE in the present, regardless of what else is happening.
Seek out these moments and make them a priority, as tomorrow is never guaranteed.
To share a personal story, I recently challenged myself to try rowing. As adults, we often stop pushing ourselves and prioritize others, neglecting our own needs.
When Peloton released a rowing program, I was intrigued but didn’t take the plunge until this past June. I set up a rowing machine in my home gym and absolutely love it.
My favorite Peloton instructor, Alex Karwoski, adds excitement to sessions, even though rowing is incredibly challenging. It’s far more technical than I anticipated, but I’m embracing the challenge and surprising myself with my progress after just three months.
If you’ve been postponing something in your life because you’re waiting for the “right” moment, let this serve as a motivation to take action now. There’s no perfect time—pursue whatever you’ve always wanted to do.
At the very least, try to carve out a couple of moments today to do something for yourself. Discover joy in the now, and make that a priority today… tomorrow… and the day after. If not now, then when? Honestly, when?
Care for yourself as you would someone you love. Give yourself time to rest and recharge. Engage in activities that uplift you—whether that’s spending time by water, enjoying quiet contemplation, being with supportive friends over a meal, or prioritizing your workouts. Only you can initiate change in your life, so go for it.
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For anyone facing a tough time, please know that I see you, I resonate with your struggles, and I’m sending you virtual support. Don’t heed comments like “Just toughen up,” or “Everyone deals with hard times; you’re not alone. That’s just life.”
Such remarks are not only unhelpful but incredibly invalidating. Just because challenges are a part of life doesn’t minimize the pain you feel or make it easier to cope. Take care of yourself and trust what you need.
I’ll stop here for now. If this message resonated with you as it did with me, let me know. I appreciate you all for being here. Lots of love! xx
