Can you believe it’s been over seven years since I moved to Italy? Some days, I feel like I have always belonged here in Bella Italia, while on other days, I still feel like a jet-lagged outsider in a foreign land.
Seven years ago, I was in Lazio with my cousin Sonseere, who had already made her home in Italy. She found a charming town there and was renovating her apartment—a story that only she can share. We stayed at a hotel in a quaint town of about 7,000 people, each enjoying the luxury of our own rooms and included breakfast. Thank goodness for the separate spaces! Just two weeks after arriving, I caught pneumonia. My hospital experience was so overwhelming that I refused to stay overnight. Instead, I returned to my hotel room, paying a nurse 5 Euros for daily shots. Having my own room allowed me the privacy I needed to recover.
Sonseere helped me secure my codice fiscale and more. Thankfully, she had a car; her small town lacked many essentials we required as Italian citizens.
As I embarked on this amazing journey, the thrill of starting anew was shadowed by the heartache of leaving loved ones behind. Saying goodbye to my daughter and granddaughter—the loves of my life—was especially tough.
Leaving my sister was also difficult. I had been a primary caregiver for my father, who struggled with dementia. I entrusted everything to my siblings. My father, however, was very supportive of my move, encouraging me to pursue my own dreams. He reiterated that sentiment just days ago before we shared a song together.
The image above captures the moment I sang with my father at a Veterans Day ceremony honoring him.
I was apprehensive about what lay ahead. Could I really move across the ocean and start a new life in Italy, all alone in a town where I knew no one? It has been a true journey of growth, vastly different from merely visiting Italy. Despite my fears and the many challenges, I navigated the ups and downs of adapting to life here.
Here are some comical yet challenging learning experiences I’ve encountered:
- Upon moving into my apartment, I had no clue how to light the gas burners and oven and wasn’t even sure how to turn on the gas. I was on my own with just the key!
- I struggled with turning on the heating using the radiators and learned that I had to occasionally defrost my tiny refrigerator. Did I mention I don’t have a dryer? Hanging laundry on my small balcony has surprisingly become a source of tranquility for me.
- It took months to get my modem set up. I missed a crucial phone call a month after ordering, which led to my removal from their delivery list. With limited Italian language skills, I felt anxious and could barely communicate. Thankfully, the sales staff were understanding.
- My new apartment came with a small television that only functioned on Channel 3 and was about the size of my computer screen. After ordering a new TV, the delivery team mistakenly called me twice more for installations! I was upfront with them, which made for a good laugh—imagine having three tiny TVs!
- Finding a doctor was quite the challenge. One day, while enjoying green tea by the sea and coughing, the bar owners, who knew me, expressed concern. I managed to communicate that I thought I had bronchitis. The owner kindly arranged for his daughter, a waitress, to escort me to his doctor’s office. Seven years later, I still see that doctor; I’m grateful for their kindness.
- In my view, doctors in Italy are well-trained and on par with those in the USA, but the medical system operates differently. General practitioners usually consult with you, order blood tests, etc., but they don’t conduct many physical exams; instead, they refer you to specialists. For tests, you often need to purchase the necessary containers from a farmacia and then carry them to the hospital for your blood draw. I feared the awkwardness of walking around with a urine sample!
- Appointments are commonly scheduled at hospitals. Visits to my general practitioner are free under the national healthcare system, but specialist appointments can cost $30-$60 for tests like MRIs or EKGs. You often wait for the results; I find this acceptable. What surprised me most was the lack of body shame during these medical experiences. During a stress test, after removing my top for electrode placement, I was left quite exposed. I requested to put my shirt back on but was told no, which left me feeling vulnerable. Over time, I’ve learned to embrace that less inhibited attitude.
- Living in Italy for seven years has been a treasure. Despite always identifying as Italian, and now being a citizen of both Italy and America, I recognize that I’m not the same as those who were born and raised here. During the two-year COVID lockdown, I shared their anxieties, witnessing the hardships and illnesses, and I contracted COVID early in the outbreak. Our shared experience has created a bond with my neighbors, who have endured wars in their homeland—something Americans have not experienced since the Civil War. This history shapes their culture. Italy, as a country, is actually younger than the USA, with most people speaking dialects before unification. I admire how they communicate so effortlessly, often using their hands. I’ve learned some of their gestures and incorporated them into my interactions.
- Language study: I studied Italian at university 52 years ago, but the language has evolved since then, and I’ve forgotten much of what I once knew. I’ve tried to continue learning since 2004, but despite seven years here, I am still not fluent. I believe nerves hold me back, as my relatives tell me I speak Italian better with a bit of wine in my system. If only I could stroll through town with a glass in hand!
- Traveling in Italy: Since moving here, I have explored 16 out of the 20 provinces. Post-COVID, I’ve slowed down my travels, choosing to enjoy life in Chiavari, my home in Liguria. In the beginning, I treated my time here like a continuous vacation, but that wasn’t sustainable. Now, I cherish the experiences in Liguria and enjoy trips to Rome and Florence, where I have friends and family. Each walk in these cities, with their rich history, beauty, and art, strengthens my connection to Italy. It fills me with joy to live in a nation that values art, kindness, and even wine tasting.
- However, changes are occurring in my life. Some physical issues are slowing me down, along with family matters that affect my mood and heart. I adore living in Italy and being surrounded by people who remind me of my ancestry. I relish the food, the slower pace of life, and much more. Yet, I need to nurture my passions too. Feeling more secure here now, I spend hours enjoying music—from my past to contemporary Italian rock and American rhythms. I’m dancing at home on rainy days, sharing music with friends, and reconnecting with my musical roots. Meditation has also returned to my life—these elements are essential to my well-being.
- Spending time in the US: Though I reside in Italy, I frequently return to Minnesota and elsewhere to visit family. My father will turn 100 years old in July, and we believe he will achieve that milestone—I will be there to celebrate. My daughter and granddaughter top my list of priorities while in America. My sister has become a close friend, and our bond strengthens each year, narrowing the 12-year age gap between us. My cousins, who were once my best friends, also matter deeply; I cherish the chance to see them, hug them, and share stories. While I would love for them to visit Italy, I recognize I need to go to them. The same goes for my musician friends. I look forward to spending time with them, where there’s no judgment or need for explanations. I plan to return to the US this summer for about a month with my girls.
- This year, I’m contemplating which Carnevale to attend; Easter falls early, and I’d like to experience at least one Carnevale in late January or early February. I’m also eager to visit Florence again to spend time with my friends there. My sister will be visiting for two weeks, and we are brainstorming activities she’d like to enjoy. We’ll also explore Liguria together, sharing my discoveries.
- Creativity: I am still crafting travel adventures for my clients, which is rewarding for both me and them. I’m rekindling my book about the hidden gems of Liguria, which has been on the shelf for too long. I aim to finish it this year, along with plotting a memoir and completing a science fiction fantasy novel that awaits my attention.
Life is ever-changing. Embracing all experiences is essential, whether they bring pain or joy. Ultimately, the dream is Dolce far niente.
I am on the Road Taken.
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both…
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in the wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
